


it's rare when the panic in my mind feels so damn good

by borrowthemoonlight



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017), The Worst Witch - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, First Time, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:42:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14930975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowthemoonlight/pseuds/borrowthemoonlight
Summary: “I know.” Pippa whispers. “I know.” Getting closer, she hugs Hecate and Hecate feels the warmth of her bare skin in areas she’s never touched before, not unclothed. Places she’s dreamed of touching. Places she hated herself for wanting to touch, up until much too recently. “It’s strange. We’ve shared so much together, it seems silly to get emotional over seeing each other like this. It’s just skin.” And she’s right. They know each other so much deeper than just skin. They’ve been so, so much more exposed in front of each other, so much more vulnerable in front of each other in the last few months. This is just skin.





	it's rare when the panic in my mind feels so damn good

**Author's Note:**

> i am not sorry for posting two smut fics in a row, the last one gave me this idea and i just needed to write it ok

It’s taken a lot to get to this moment. Hands in hair, hands stroking cheeks, hands tracing over clothed curves and chests. Hands trembling. Hands undoing the first few buttons on a soft, dark blouse.

Two buttons come undone, so that Pippa can reach more skin. Place quick, warm kisses down Hecate’s neck. They’ve been here before, just before everything stopped. Just to try it. Just to see how things would go. And things went well and it was a mutual and natural decision to go no further at the time.

But this time feels different. Pippa can tell by the hitch in her breath and the quiver of her lips when Hecate places them to her forehead. She can tell by the way Hecate clings to the fabric at Pippa’s waist, bunching it in her fists, keeping her close. She can tell when Hecate breathes the words _I love you_ as Pippa drags her lips further down Hecate’s neck, almost reaching her chest, almost if she could undo a third button. 

When Pippa whispers I love you back Hecate does it herself. She undoes a third button and a fourth and a fifth and Pippa kisses each new inch of revealed skin.

Hecate makes a small, accidental, barely there noise and Pippa brings her face back up, brings her fingers up to lift Hecate’s chin and kisses her lips, before asking, “Everything okay?”

“Yes.” She nods immediately. “I,” She pauses, looking down, “Am nervous.”

“I know.” Pippa says, kissing her again. “That’s allowed. And we can do as much,” And again. “Or as little.” And again. “As you want.” 

“I do want… I want- you.” Hecate breathes, clinging onto Pippa’s chest, pulling her slightly closer by her dress, catching her breath at Pippa’s lips, kissing her and kissing her.

“I want you too.” Pippa whispers, brushing their noses together. “I have always wanted you.” She kisses her. “Will only ever want you.”

“You can unzip my dress. If you’d like.” She says, after many more kisses. And slowly, but without much hesitation, Hecate’s hand comes up to the back of Pippa’s dress. And slowly, the zip comes down and Hecate stops moving, unsure of what she should do next. “And you can take it off me.”

Placing her hands firmly on Pippa’s shoulders, Hecate stands still for a moment. Looks at Pippa, not knowing what she’s looking for when she already has all the confirmation she needs. She’s tentative, her fingers twitch, but it’s not too long before she’s gently pulling the pink fabric down over Pippa’s shoulders, down over her waist, down to her hips where she gives it more of a tug and it falls straight down.

It sends a surge of something through her, seeing Pippa like this, it’s almost pain. Almost. And suddenly her eyes are damp and she’s trying to ignore the sting and blink away the tears, but they still fall, she can’t help it. And then Pippa is crying too and Hecate is confused as to why.

“I know.” Pippa whispers. “I know.” Getting closer, she hugs Hecate and Hecate feels the warmth of her bare skin in areas she’s never touched before, not unclothed. Places she’s dreamed of touching. Places she hated herself for wanting to touch, up until much too recently. “It’s strange. We’ve shared so much together, it seems silly to get emotional over seeing each other like this. It’s just skin.” And she’s right. They know each other so much deeper than just skin. They’ve been so, so much more exposed in front of each other, so much more vulnerable in front of each other in the last few months. This is just skin.

But it’s not just skin, Hecate thinks, it’s _Pippa’s_ skin. Pippa’s lovely soft, warm, beautiful skin that she wants to touch forever and ever. It’s a new feeling of trust and safety that she has to get used to. Wants so desperately to get used to. She shifts her head from where it leans against Pippa’s. Leans down and trails a line of light kisses all along her shoulder, making her shiver just slightly, and Pippa begins to gently push Hecate’s blouse off her shoulders so she can do the same, sending shivers down Hecate’s spine too. The last few buttons remain undone and the blouse gets stuck half way down Hecate’s arm and before Pippa can do something about it, Hecate pauses what she’s doing for a moment, untangles her magic from the adrenaline shooting round her body, and frees herself from the material.

She feels Pippa’s hands exploring her bare back and decides it might be the best feeling in the world and wonders why she let herself be so scared up until now. But she is still terrified. But she also can’t let it stop her anymore, doesn’t _want_ to let it stop her anymore. What she wants, _who_ she wants is Pippa. Finally. And Pippa is here, willing and wanting Hecate right back.

Pippa’s hands travel down slightly, stopping at the waistband of Hecate’s skirt. “Would you like me to take this off?”

She is still terrified. But it is just skin. And Pippa is here. She takes a deep breath. She feels safe. “Please.” She nods.

Pippa knows exactly where to unhook the skirt, she sees Hecate doing it on her way into the bathroom sometimes on the many nights they’ve spent together, as she goes to change into her night things. 

The skirt soon pools around Hecate’s feet, leaving the two of them in their underwear. The first time they’ve seen each other like this since they were in the changing rooms at school, and Hecate would try her best to look away from Pippa, feeling ashamed every time she chanced taking a glance, worrying that Pippa would see how she felt about her, and sometimes secretly wishing, on some level, that she would.

“You’re beautiful, Hiccup.” Pippa says, her eyes so big and warm, snapping Hecate from the thoughts she once tried so hard to repress. 

Hecate kisses her, she supposes it’s her way of saying _ditto_. When they part, Pippa looks beside them, down at the bed, takes Hecate’s hand and they both sit.

Pippa lightly ghosts her fingers over Hecate’s collarbone and Hecate likes it very much. Very much. But she’s not quite sure how to say it. “Tell me if you feel uncomfortable. Tell me if you want us to stop and we will.”

Hecate nods. “I know. And I will, but I’m okay. More than.” She assures.

“Good.” Pippa smiles, before whispering, “I would very much like for you to touch me.” And Hecate is so grateful for how easy Pippa is making this. She tries not to let her nerves freeze her, tries to do to Pippa what Pippa does to her. Carefully brushes her fingers up Pippa’s collarbone, lightly drags her nails back down and over her chest. She reaches one of Pippa’s bra straps and looks at it for a while, gently strokes over it a few times, trying to muster up the courage she needs.

“What is it?” Pippa asks, noticing how Hecate has stopped moving.

“Could you… Take this… Off?” She asks, much steadier than she predicted.

A grin makes its way onto Pippa’s lips. “Would you like to take it off for me?”

It’s not a question she expected but it’s not a lie when Hecate nods her head, carefully reaches behind Pippa’s back, unhooks her bra with ease and very slowly brings the straps down her arms. Or when she traces her fingers down Pippa’s sternum. Or when she then looks down at her own covered chest, then back at Pippa, hoping she’ll get the message.

Pippa starts by slowly, slowly pushing Hecate’s bra straps off of her shoulders, checking her reaction intently. She places a kiss on Hecate’s shoulder, as the straps get lower, until Hecate lifts her arms out of them and then Pippa reaches behind, unhooks the clasp, lets it fall to Hecate’s waist.

And suddenly something comes over Hecate, she can’t quite say what, but her hand finds its way to the back of Pippa’s neck and her other holds onto Pippa’s arm and she’s kissing her again, and again and her hands begin to search, like they have many times before, times when they’d had a few layers of fabric between them, so really this shouldn’t be much different. But it is different, it’s better, so much better, because they’re closer, in more ways than one. And the gasp Hecate feels against her mouth from Pippa when her hand brushes over Pippa’s breast sends a spark darting straight down her stomach. She pulls back, her eyes so dark she has to blink a few times to come back to herself and ask, “Was that okay?”

“That was okay.” Pippa says, guiding Hecate’s hand back to where it had sat on her breast, then taking her other hand and placing it on the other. “This is even better.” 

Hecate loses herself again, desperately reconnects their lips, her hands stroking and squeezing the skin beneath them. Thinking she might never get used to this. Touching Pippa in this way. Then she becomes a little hesitant, slows the kiss whilst she contemplates her thoughts. She pulls back, but stays close, lowers her hands, finds Pippa’s and slowly brings them up to rest on her own chest, her eyes searching Pippa’s face the whole time. But all she sees in her expression is pure, undeniable desire.

Pippa’s touch feels better than any magic, and when she smiles, Hecate relaxes a little more, leans into her touch, which is when Pippa leans into Hecate’s neck. Nips and sucks and kisses, makes her way down to Hecate’s chest, to where her hands sit, drops her hands and replaces the lost warmth with the heat of her tongue instead. She circles Hecate’s nipples, stopping every few moments to kiss, before continuing, and when Hecate can’t hold back a gasp, Pippa finally takes her nipple into her mouth. 

Hecate inhales sharply, her fingers curling at the nape of Pippa’s neck, and when she exhales, Pippa’s hand comes up to lie flat on the centre of her chest. She guides her so that she’s lying down on the bed, brings her mouth back to Hecate’s chest, focuses on her other breast this time, as she straddles her hips. Hecate’s hands find Pippa’s hair and lightly entangle themselves in it, as she whimpers and writhes and Pippa begins to move down her stomach, down her waist, to her hips, and each brush of her lips against Hecate’s skin feels like she’s being touched by magic. Pippa’s perfect magic. 

All of a sudden Pippa rises back up her body, comes face to face with Hecate and kisses her nose. “Still alright?”

“Yes.” Hecate breathes, very aware of the high rise of her chest every time she inhales.

“Tell me if you’re not. Tell me if you want to stop or if I do something you don’t like.” Hecate nods. “Or if I do something you really do like. Okay?” She says, eyes darting from her eyes to her lips and back before she kisses her again.

“Okay.” Hecate smiles. And Pippa’s making her way back down, sucking kisses along Hecate’s skin, until she reaches her hips once more. She curls her fingers underneath Hecate’s underwear, ready to slowly begin tugging.

Hecate doesn’t want her stop. Ever. But a sudden thought crosses her mind. She’s never felt anything like this in all her life and she really, really never wants Pippa to stop. So, it takes every ounce of self-control she has left for her to say, “Wait.” 

And Pippa stops. 

“I…” But Hecate has no idea how to find the right words.

“Do you want to stop?” She asks. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s just I… What if… I- I don’t want to… Get tired.” Hecate says, dropping eye contact. 

“Oh.” Pippa giggles, partly out of relief, before becoming slightly more serious. “You know, I would never even expect anything in return. First and foremost, I want you to feel comfortable with this. I want you to feel good. _I_ want to make you feel good.”

“Well,” Hecate says, sitting up again, catching Pippa’s lips with her own, “ _I_ want to make _you_ feel good.” Her voice drops slightly. “I just… Want to be focused, as much as I can be. For all the times after too, but particularly for this time.”

“All the times after?” Pippa repeats, eyebrows raised.

“ _All_ the times after.” She says, voice sure and steady. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get here.”

“It’s taken us both this long to get here. You must know I’ve been scared too. But it feels right now. It feels wonderful now.”

“I scare you?”

“It scares me how much I want you.” Pippa says, gently lying back on the bed, her arms resting above her head.

“I feel the same. I- I don’t want to get this wrong.”

“There is no wrong, Hiccup. We’ve been through the hard parts, this bit is easy.”

Hecate straddles her, kisses her everywhere she can, her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, her chin, before she starts to move down Pippa’s body, hands exploring the warmth of her skin. It’s when she reaches Pippa’s hips she begins to think she’s made a terrible mistake. If she’d let Pippa continue earlier, at least she’d have something go off, at least she’d have some idea what to do. She stops.

“What if I hurt you, or you don’t like it?” She looks away from Pippa, shame rising within her.

“Hecate, you are the most gentle witch I have ever met. Despite what you have your students believe. You won’t hurt me. You can’t.” She states it like a fact, wrapping her arms around Hecate’s back. “You have touched yourself before, haven’t you?” She asks, trying not to smile when she remembers a rather privy conversation the two had had when they were still in school. There was a lot of stalling and pausing and confusion and, most of all, curiosity, but enough was said back then for Pippa to know the answer to her question is yes. 

“Well I… Yes. But it’s different.” 

“Not really. I would be more than happy for you to do to me whatever you do to yourself, Hiccup. In fact, knowing it’s what you do to yourself makes we want it even more.”

“But what if I’ve been getting it wrong all these years without even knowing it?” She laughs, but there’s worry in her tone.

“I think you and I both know that isn’t true.” Hecate looks confused. “Unless you’ve forgotten the conversation we had on the roof that particularly starry night in our fourth year.” And then her cheeks begin to burn and Pippa knows she remembers. “I was the one who brought the topic up. If I remember correctly, and I do, it was because I was feeling a little frustrated that night. Come to think of it, I think I felt frustrated for the last 3 years of school, at least. All because of you, Hiccup.”

“I might say the same about you. Especially after that conversation. You certainly made me want to _learn_ more.”

“I would have been an excellent teacher, if only you'd asked.” She sighs playfully. 

“You _are_ a teacher.” Hecate smirks, leaning down over Pippa, meeting her face to face. 

“Mm. A different kind. A _very_ different kind.” She utters, capturing Hecate’s lips. “With you as my only student, of course.”

“Teach me now then.” Hecate whispers, their lips barely apart. “Teach me what to do to you.” She kisses her, taking her bottom lip into her mouth, before once again travelling down Pippa’s body, here tongue peeking out to dance over her skin as she does. She slides her hand down Pippa’s arm until it rests on top of her hand, a worrying thought crossing her mind that maybe she’s said the wrong thing.

“You know, Hiccup,” Pippa starts, quirking an eyebrow. “If you really had asked me that thirty years ago I totally would have said yes.”

Hecate purses her lips, trying not to let her face flush. “And now?”

“And,” Pippa’s eyes move to where Hecate’s hand sits on her own. She begins to move it, slowly to the centre of her hips, “Now.” Her eyes meet Hecate’s once more. “My answer would remain the same.” 

A spark surges down through Hecate, and Pippa’s underwear vanishes, revealing the slick wetness between her thighs that Hecate can’t tear her gaze from. Certainly not when Pippa’s hand makes it way down there and her fingers slip into the folds of her wet heat.

She spreads her legs open further, so Hecate can see more. Her lips part and a small noise escapes her when she presses her fingers down a little more firmly. Hecate doesn’t realise when her own lips part, she doesn’t realise her breath is so heavy it makes her mouth go completely dry until she needs to swallow and she feels the moisture return. “See. Easy peasy. There’s nothing to get wrong.” Pippa smirks, making Hecate laugh, never failing to surprise her.

But when Pippa gasps from her own touch, it makes Hecate’s muscles tighten for half a second and it’s then she realises how damp her own underwear is, the pool of desire inside of her growing more and more. Seeing Pippa like this makes her feel more than she ever could’ve imagined, it makes her fill with emotion that she never expected, not when she isn’t even the one touching Pippa. She wants to be closer to her again. So much closer.

Pippa’s eyes shut for a moment, fluttering open when she makes another needy squeak. “What are you thinking?” She asks.

“I’m thinking I want to touch you.” Hecate says.

Pippa nods. “Touch me. Please.”

Hecate’s hands brush up along Pippa’s thighs, making Pippa shudder at the contact, they continue up her arms as far as she can reach and back down again. She dips her head down, placing kisses on Pippa’s thigh, kissing and nipping all the way up to her hips and Pippa lets out a moan.

Her free hand makes its way to Hecate’s wrist, she lightly clings to it and breathes, “Darling.”

They look at each other and Pippa drops her gaze to where here other hand continues to circle sensitive skin. When Hecate turns her attention back there too, Pippa inserts a finger inside herself, arching her head back, as Hecate’s eyes widen and she finds herself pressing down on where she straddles Pippa.

“Do you think you might want to take over?” Pippa asks, her movements within herself quickening.

The question makes her heart skip a beat and she wants to blurt out the word yes. She wants to be the one making those noises expel from Pippa. She wants to build Pippa up and then watch her come undone completely. 

“It feels good?”

“So good.”

“And I won’t hurt you?”

“You won’t ever hurt me.”

Taking a deep, shaking breath, Hecate slowly brings her hand up to meet Pippa’s own, and Pippa brings both of her own hands up, rests them on her chest as anticipation swirls around her stomach.

“You’ll tell me if-“

“I’ll tell you. Please. I’ll tell you. I-“

Hecate pushes her finger inside and the sharp noise that erupts from Pippa makes her whimper, and she does again at the new feeling of Pippa squeezing and pulsing around her, unable to stop the bucking of her own hips. 

Pippa begins to rock herself, delighting in the pleasure when Hecate reaches that bit further inside of her. “Don’t be scared to use two.” She breathes.

“Pippa, I was scared to use one.”

“You can see it’s not scary now. You can see how much I like it.” Pippa says, biting her lip. “How much I want it.” Her hips lift off the bed slightly. “I want more.”

Hecate slows down, carefully bringing a second finger to Pippa’s entrance, circling there for a little while, her breathe begins to shake. She doesn’t want her nerves to control her anymore. She wants to give Pippa everything. Very slowly, she pushes her finger inside, and Pippa makes the most glorious sound Hecate has ever heard. 

Pippa’s hands move back down, getting tangled in Hecate’s dark waterfall of hair, tugging on it slightly every time Hecate hits a certain spot. They move in a rhythm together, and Hecate feels the build up of her own release, as well as Pippa’s and when Pippa spirals beneath her, calling out her name over and over, Hecate is brought over the edge too.

She collapses on top of Pippa, resting her head underneath her chin, each of them feeling the rapid beating of the other’s heart. “See.” Pippa pants. “Easy peasy.”

“You are an excellent teacher.” Hecate looks up, tears stinging her eyes, but this time they don’t want to fall. Pippa smiles against Hecate’s cheek, placing dozens of quick delicate kisses there. 

When enough strength returns to her body, Pippa swiftly reverses their positions on the bed, surprising a wide-eyed Hecate in the process.

“There is more I could teach you.” Pippa says, raising an eyebrow. “But this time I’m afraid I really can’t do it to myself.”

Hecate nods, leans up and kisses her, and nods again. And within an instant, Pippa is tugging down her sodden underwear, down to the middle of her thighs before they vanish completely. She brushes her fingers along the inside of her thighs, and Hecate’s breath hitches when she feels Pippa’s breath against her there, just before she’s replacing the soft touch of her fingers with the soft touch of her lips and her tongue.

When she takes Hecate into her mouth, Hecate’s breath immediately begins to tremble. She lowers her hands and finds Pippa’s, squeezes them where they cling to her thighs. Pippa’s tongue explores every inch of her, making her shudder and twitch and cry out, building a steady pace, building her up and up, until the world seems to shatter around her. Until she and Pippa the only people left in existence. Until she cannot focus on a single thing apart from Pippa’s tongue and the feeling it sends up inside of her, swirling around her whole body, making her every muscle tense and shake. Until the only word she remembers how to speak is Pippa’s name. Until her body suddenly goes limp and she has to catch her breath.

She uses every bit of strength she has left to tug Pippa up beside her and Pippa nuzzles into her neck, breathing her in. 

They hold each other for a little while, Pippa’s fingers getting lost in Hecate’s hair, Hecate tracing spirals along Pippa’s shoulder.

“I could get used to this.” Pippa murmurs, breath tickling Hecate’s skin.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to this. Ever.” There’s something in the tone of Hecate’s voice as she says the last word, Pippa can’t quite place her finger on what. “But.” She says, releasing herself from Pippa’s embrace. “I’m afraid,” She straddles Pippa once more. “I never want to stop.” Pippa’s eyes glisten, her lips instantly parting. “Now,” and again, Hecate is kissing her way down Pippa’s body. “If you’ll let me,” She stops, resting between Pippa’s thighs, “I would like to apply what I’ve learned.”

A smile tugs at Pippa’s lips. “I would like that too.” _Today_ , she thinks, and _all_ the times after.


End file.
